how bad is it? it’s pretty bad…

so I get home today and taped to the front door of the building I live in is a notice of a lawsuit. my stomach turned, my heart stopped beating and I was made very aware of the fact that I wasn’t breathing. I am still trying to get my mind wrapped around it, I’m being sued by a credit card company. when I looked at the paper all I could see were the words “this is an attempt to collect a debt.” the first thing that popped into my stupid, irresponsible, tiny brain was “oh,  I hope my landlord didn’t see this!” really? is that really what I first thought? did I really care about whether someone had seen it or not? how about the fact that I’m being sued by a credit card company? why wasn’t the first thing that popped into my head “oh no! my credit score?!” you wanna know why? it’s because all I think about is image. I care about what people think so instead of telling my friends “no you guys, I can’t make it out tonight.” I go out and spend $60 on a mediocre meal that I could have made myself, probably better and for a lot less. this is bad, my priorities are all screwed up, I have to restructure my thinking, only then will I be able to gain financial freedom.

my first step was to admit that I’m in debt, and while I knew a round about number, I wasn’t completely 100% sure. so, the first thing I did when I got home was to get all my unopened mail together and check my balances. yes, unopened mail, I used every method imaginable not to deal with my financial issues but now that they’re [quite literally] knocking on my door, I have to just deal with it head on.

The Damage:

CC numero un: $5,777

CC numero dos: $1,220

CC numero three: $988.34

CC numero cuatro: $699.48

CC cinco: $540

CC 6: $482

CC 7: $408.76

CC 8: $245.57

CC 9: 200

grand total: $10,561.15

if I wanted to pay this off in a year (which is what I want) I would have to pay $881 per month.

ok, let me digest this right now because I’ve only ever listed the cards by names and have never stopped to realize just how many credit cards I have. or had since they’re all in collections right now. except the one that is sitting on an attorney’s desk waiting for me to deal with in Civil Court!! argh! what have I done to myself? ignoring it just made this problem explode and now everyone in my building knows that I don’t pay my bills!

right now I’m dealing with a lot of emotions. I’m embarrassed because I’m so broke. I’m angry that I allowed this to get so bad that I’m actually being sued and I’m sad because it’s freaking sad! and I’m scared because it’s scary to owe so much money and not really know how I can pay it off. but I can, and I’m going to.

my next step will be to call each and every creditor and try to work out a payment plan, and see if they can knock a few bucks off as well. I hope this works you guys. positive thoughts.

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