it’s been about a week…
and I haven’t called any creditors. I’m putting it off because it’s the holiday season and I’m sure they’re all very busy. or maybe I’m putting it off because I’m afraid of what they’ll say… or maybe I’m not doing anything because I’m continuing to walk down the same path that’s completely ruined my credit.
I have to stop being lazy. tomorrow, I’m calling at least one person.
my first weekend…
I had a pretty lowkey weekend that was still expensive. I needed groceries and I spent $40, then I needed a few things to replace in my kitchen another $30 (we’re up to $70 now). I stayed in on Friday but still managed to spend $25. went to 2 parties in one night and didn’t spend a dollar (still up to $95). then a friend came over and in a flash $40 was gone on take out and libations. the weekend was full of strange drama, maybe I spend to counter the stress I’m encountering in my everyday life. what’s if that’s it? what if I spend in as a way to alleviate stress? nah, it can’t be that simple.
so far, since I’ve started this crusade to manage my spending I’ve spent over $20o. and nothing really to show for it. I’m returning some of the beauty aids I purchased on Thursday. frivolous things that I don’t need. maybe I need to start approaching my personal life in the same way that I have to approach my finances. I need to be more selective on how I invest both my money on anything or my time on people. my inability to walk away from faulty investments and I’m losing my valuable time and money. maybe I’m bad with money because my whole outlook on life is screwy and skewed? can it really be that deep though?
a secret love affair
it was a relationship I was warned against. “you’ll only end up in trouble,” my mother taunted me. “just don’t do it,” cautioned my friends. I knew they meant well but I just couldn’t resist. maybe it was the threatening, the forbidding that was so alluring. I remember when we were introduced, I walked away with a teddy bear! less than 2 weeks later we took it to another level, having no experience I didn’t know what I was getting into, and decided to just play it by ear and go with the flow. it wasn’t until the end of the month that I realized I may have made a mistake. I tried to ignore it, but that wasn’t possible. it just got worse and worse.
I was 18, no income, my first semester of college and had charged $600 to a credit card. my mom paid it off and made me cancel it but apparently, fical responsibility is a hard lesson to learn.
what is this fascination with credit cards anyway? is it the impulse of spending that feels so good? paying for things you can’t afford?well, actually, CHARGING things you can’t afford since I haven’t actually paid for anything. is it the power linked to the ability to charge it? is it that we don’t actually have to face what we’ve spent until later? am I like a dog and need to be held accountable at the exact moment that I do something bad in order to learn not to do it?
just today I went to buy a few beauty products I needed, things like deodarant and facial wash. why did I walk out with eye shadow, hair products I don’t need and concealer specifically formulated for blemishes? I don’t even have blemishes. my goal was to spend $20, I spent $70 on things I didn”t even need.
how can I prevent this from happening again? how can I go into a store and make sure that my spending is controlled? a quick google search says I should stop using my debit card for regular, everyday purchases. I should always have cash on hand and that I need to figure out much I’m going to need for a week and take that money out of the ATM.
they also suggested I write a blog about it. well, I guess I can feel a little good about being a step ahead of them on that.
ok, so here I am again, I’m going to take out cash for the upcoming weekend. I need to factor in dinner with a friend tomorrow, 3 parties on Saturday and laundry/grocery shopping on Sunday.
my life is too expensive.
how bad is it? it’s pretty bad…
so I get home today and taped to the front door of the building I live in is a notice of a lawsuit. my stomach turned, my heart stopped beating and I was made very aware of the fact that I wasn’t breathing. I am still trying to get my mind wrapped around it, I’m being sued by a credit card company. when I looked at the paper all I could see were the words “this is an attempt to collect a debt.” the first thing that popped into my stupid, irresponsible, tiny brain was “oh, I hope my landlord didn’t see this!” really? is that really what I first thought? did I really care about whether someone had seen it or not? how about the fact that I’m being sued by a credit card company? why wasn’t the first thing that popped into my head “oh no! my credit score?!” you wanna know why? it’s because all I think about is image. I care about what people think so instead of telling my friends “no you guys, I can’t make it out tonight.” I go out and spend $60 on a mediocre meal that I could have made myself, probably better and for a lot less. this is bad, my priorities are all screwed up, I have to restructure my thinking, only then will I be able to gain financial freedom.
my first step was to admit that I’m in debt, and while I knew a round about number, I wasn’t completely 100% sure. so, the first thing I did when I got home was to get all my unopened mail together and check my balances. yes, unopened mail, I used every method imaginable not to deal with my financial issues but now that they’re [quite literally] knocking on my door, I have to just deal with it head on.
The Damage:
CC numero un: $5,777
CC numero dos: $1,220
CC numero three: $988.34
CC numero cuatro: $699.48
CC cinco: $540
CC 6: $482
CC 7: $408.76
CC 8: $245.57
CC 9: 200
grand total: $10,561.15
if I wanted to pay this off in a year (which is what I want) I would have to pay $881 per month.
ok, let me digest this right now because I’ve only ever listed the cards by names and have never stopped to realize just how many credit cards I have. or had since they’re all in collections right now. except the one that is sitting on an attorney’s desk waiting for me to deal with in Civil Court!! argh! what have I done to myself? ignoring it just made this problem explode and now everyone in my building knows that I don’t pay my bills!
right now I’m dealing with a lot of emotions. I’m embarrassed because I’m so broke. I’m angry that I allowed this to get so bad that I’m actually being sued and I’m sad because it’s freaking sad! and I’m scared because it’s scary to owe so much money and not really know how I can pay it off. but I can, and I’m going to.
my next step will be to call each and every creditor and try to work out a payment plan, and see if they can knock a few bucks off as well. I hope this works you guys. positive thoughts.
getting started…
why is it that getting started is the easiest part of any project? you have an idea, you brainstorm, get things down on paper, talk about it with your friends (or in this case, just the one friend who knows I’m doing this) and you write your first entry like your fingers are on fire. the next day comes the second entry and while you may dilly-dally, you are still able to get things done. by the second week, you’ve already abandoned your project. the one that was going to make you famous. the one that was going to reach the world! touch the hearts of millions, yada yada yada, et cetera, et cetera. but not this time. this time I will stick to it. I have to, my financial future lies in the balance. if I ever hope to own a home, I have to stick to this. what is “this” exactly? please accept my explanation below.
I am a single, college educated woman with no children who lives alone in one of the five boroughs of NYC. the greatest city on earth (please note: that is not up for debate. it is the greatest city on earth.) I have managed to get myself into about $10k in debt and I plan to get myself out of said debt by December 8, 2010. how will I go about doing this? well, first I have to admit to myself that I have a spending problem. I don’t buy expensive shoes or purses. I don’t have a costly drug addiction. I am reckless and am not conscious of my spending habits at all. so the first step is admittance and I’ve got that down pact… now I need to get all my bills together and see what the exact amount of damage is. wish me luck!
